Somatic Therapy for Sex and Relationship Themes

Page overview

This page takes around 8 minutes to read and explores:

• Core information at a glance
• Can I bring questions about sex and relationships to therapy?
• How can therapy support my relationships and intimacy?
• How can the Wheel of Consent help me explore sex and relationship themes?
• How might your therapeutic approaches support my sex and relationship themes?
• How can I explore desire, fantasy and erotic identity in therapy?
• How might your earlier work with tantra and embodied sexuality inform my therapy?
• Is this sex therapy — and what is outside the scope of this work?
• How do I get started?
• FAQs

Core Information at a Glance

Can I bring questions about sex and relationships to therapy?

Yes. Sexuality and relationship themes often emerge naturally within the wider context of my work, sometimes as the presenting enquiry and sometimes only after trust has developed.

You might want to explore desire, pleasure, sexual identity, fantasy, kink or relationship diversity. You may be questioning your sexuality, wondering about the absence of libido or desire, or exploring what kinds of sexual or relational expression feel right for you. For some people, this also includes questions about eros, spirituality, meaning and a wider sense of aliveness. 

You may also be feeling troubled by something that happened sexually, by shame, or by something that is difficult to make sense of. These concerns may connect with attachment, trauma, neurodivergence, earlier experiences or the wider context of your life.

Practical and pragmatic conversations are welcome too. You may be working out what you want, how to talk about something with another person, or what kind of relationship or intimacy feels right for you. I do not assume sexual material always has a deeper psychological meaning. Sometimes sex really is about sex, pleasure or curiosity.

How can therapy support my relationships and intimacy?

Relationships can bring questions about trust, closeness, belonging, autonomy, care and what it means to feel genuinely met by another person. You may be noticing patterns that repeat across relationships, wondering why intimacy sometimes feels difficult to sustain, or trying to understand what helps connection feel nourishing rather than depleting.

You may also be exploring what kind of relationship structure works for you. That might include monogamy, polyamory, relationship anarchy or something less easily named. I do not see one form as inherently more evolved than another; what matters is having the time and space to uncover what works best for you.

Therapy can offer space to notice what happens in relationship more closely: how attachment history, trauma, family patterns, neurodivergence or previous experiences may shape closeness, conflict, communication or the capacity to stay connected while also remaining yourself. It can also support somatic resourcing, so that difficult conversations, choices or changes feel more manageable.

Sometimes the work is about repairing or deepening a relationship; sometimes it is about recognising that something is not nourishing or sustainable. At other times, it may simply be about finding clearer language for what you want and need, and building enough confidence to begin conversations outside the therapy room.

How can the Wheel of Consent help me explore sex and relationship themes?

The Wheel of Consent® (“the Wheel”) has profoundly influenced how I understand consent, agreements, desire, limits and choice. My training with Betty Martin, and the years I spent teaching the model and practice, gave me a framework I still draw on in sex and relationship enquiries.

A few simple questions from the Wheel can illuminate a lot. For example: when you are receiving touch, who is it for? Are you being touched in the way you would really like, or are you going along with something the other person thinks you like? We can become so used to accommodating others that it becomes difficult to notice what we ourselves want.

Another sequence I often draw on is supporting people to notice, trust and value their desires and limits before choosing what to do or communicating something to someone else. This is not only relevant to sex or touch. The same process can help with questions about closeness, time, care, responsibility, autonomy, relationship agreements and how much of ourselves we are able or willing to give.

“I don’t know what I want” is also a frequent and valid starting point. Sometimes even the first step — noticing — may not yet feel available. In those moments, other parts of my practice may be more helpful at first, supporting a deeper relationship with self and body so that desires and limits can begin to emerge in small, manageable ways.

How might your therapeutic approaches support my sex and relationship themes?

I may draw on different parts of my practice depending on what is happening.

Family Constellations can widen the frame to include family history, inherited patterns and wider cultural influences. We can use constellations to explore broader relational systems such as chosen family, polycules or kinship systems. A constellation can be useful when present-day relationship patterns seem to be shaped by something beyond the relationship itself.

Trauma-Sensitive Breathwork may support regulation and help you stay alongside sensation or feeling, including when intimacy, conflict or difficult conversations bring a strong emotional response. As we stay with the feeling, we may uncover layers from the past that do not belong entirely to the present situation, such as younger parts of ourselves or feelings connected with earlier experiences.

Transforming Touch® may be helpful where attachment or nervous-system patterns repeatedly interrupt relating, particularly when insight or attempts at self-regulation have not been enough. It is a slow and gentle approach that can be particularly helpful when things feel “too much” or when there seems to be “no feeling at all”. It is fully clothed therapeutic touch and is not sexual or erotic touch.

EMDR may be helpful where a particular past event or traumatic experience continues to intrude into present sexual or relational life. It also offers tools that can support containment for flashbacks, or help build and anchor an internal safe place that you can return to more reliably.

Sometimes the most useful thing is simply having enough space to think and feel something through; at other times, a particular therapeutic approach can support a more specific part of the enquiry.

How can I explore desire, fantasy and erotic identity in therapy?

I approach desire, fantasy, kink and erotic identity with curiosity rather than overlaying an assumption about what they mean. A fantasy may point towards a desire that wants enacting, an unmet need, a symbolic longing, or something someone would never want to enact. I try not to impose an interpretation, but to stay curious about what it means to the person themselves.

Sometimes the enquiry is not only about what a desire or fantasy means, but about what you want to do with it. You may be wondering whether you want to enact something, how to talk about it with a partner, what conditions would help it feel safe or enjoyable, or whether it belongs more comfortably in fantasy than in lived experience. Therapy can offer space to slow that process down and notice what feels genuinely wanted, possible and aligned.

Erotic identity can also deserve space in its own right. Sometimes someone is discovering something new; sometimes they are integrating an aspect of themselves that has never had much room. There can be grief for what is, or has been, unexpressed, alongside exploration of what may still be possible.

I also make room for asexuality, low or changing desire, and ambivalence about sex. Greater sexual activity or “expansion” is not the goal. The aim is to support you towards greater alignment with your intentions for therapy, and towards what feels good and true for you.

How might your earlier work with tantra and embodied sexuality inform my therapy?

Before moving into my current therapeutic practice, I spent many years working and teaching tantra (as I called it then) and embodied sexuality. I no longer offer tantra sessions, but I do not want to erase that history.

Those years gave me wide experience of how differently people experience desire, pleasure, intimacy, relationships and erotic identity. They also helped me become comfortable hearing experiences people may feel ashamed or frightened to disclose, while holding my own limits without shaming someone else’s desires or ways of relating.

Those professional years were formative, even though I now think differently about cultural appropriation and about calling something “tantra”. The Wheel of Consent became an important interruption, bringing greater clarity around consent, agency and limits. My practice became increasingly shaped by nervous-system awareness, eventually leading into the somatic and systemic therapeutic work I offer now.

What remains is not a current tantra service, but a depth of familiarity with sexuality, eros, shame, difference, relationships and embodied experience that continues to inform my work.

Is this sex therapy — and what is outside the scope of this work?

I work therapeutically with sexuality, but I do not describe myself as a specialist psychosexual or sex therapist.

Sexuality may emerge as part of a wider therapeutic enquiry with me, or it might be what brings you through the door. Where a physical sexual difficulty is the main presenting concern — such as erectile or ejaculation difficulties, genital pain or vaginismus — medical assessment or specialist psychosexual therapy may be more appropriate. I may sometimes work with the wider emotional, relational or historical aspects alongside or after specialist support.

I do not offer couples sex therapy, sexual technique coaching, partnered sexual exercises, nudity, sexual or genital touch, erotic bodywork, surrogate partner work, intimacy coaching or tantra sessions. Transforming Touch® is fully clothed therapeutic touch and is not sexual or erotic.

The simplest distinction is that this is therapy in which sexual, intimate or erotic themes are welcome, rather than specialist psychosexual treatment or work focused primarily on sexual performance or functioning.

How to get started

If you are interested in working with me, you can begin with either a free 15-minute call or a 60-minute Orientation Session.

The free 15-minute call is for practical questions such as availability, format and next steps. The Orientation Session is a standalone session where we can talk in more depth about what is bringing you, what you are hoping for, and whether my way of working feels like a good fit.

We can also explore which aspects of the work may be most useful for you, whether you are looking for regular or ad hoc sessions, and whether in-person or online work feels most appropriate.

There is no requirement to commit to ongoing therapy at the Orientation Session. If we both feel it makes sense to continue, we can agree the next steps together.

You can find current fees, availability, practical information, and links to book either a free 15-minute call or an Orientation Session on my Bookings, Hours and Fees page.